He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
