Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize