i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
