tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
