I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
