U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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