Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
