yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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