your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
