so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
