cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
