Cold hands, warm shart.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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