I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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