The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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