Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm at about main and main street
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
