There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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