I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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