So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
