i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
