I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
