did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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