there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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