I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
