How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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