Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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