Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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