it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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