So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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