you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
