So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
