the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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