dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
