I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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