The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
