you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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