oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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