I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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