Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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