Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize