I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
