Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
