I just made out with a guy for $7.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
