your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
