I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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