i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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