There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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