I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
