Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

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(813): View more from Florida

I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it

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(718): View more from New York

I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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(914): View more from New York

Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

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(716): View more from New York

He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.

(585): View more from New York

Find him and marry him.

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(940): View more from Texas

P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.

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(314): View more from Missouri

my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked

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