Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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