I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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