is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
