He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
