I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
