I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
