can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
