he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
