I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
