If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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