The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
