I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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