is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
