chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
