if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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