Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
