eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
