I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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